Children go through many transitions and changes in their life as they grow. Anxiety is a common and growing problem in children in this fast moving , high tech world. Most children have fears but they dont last long, like the fear of a monster in the room, or the fear of boarding school. These fears vanish as the child grows .Their social, academic skills will suffer big time if the fears are neglected by parents.
Anxiety in children can be due to various reasons like, if there is any parental conflict or separation, unexpected death of a close relative, violence and terrorism in the city, natural disasters etc. Parents have to be cautious and should be able to identify the changing behaviours of their child as children may not be able to express their feelings nor they have the skills and ability to manage such situations of anxiety.
Following are the few symptoms of anxiety in children , as a parent if you notice any of them consistently growing in your child then you have to start thinking of remedies.
– anger, aggression, opposition.
– resist school or other activites.
-negative thinking
-crying
-eating disturbances.
-lack of concentraton
– nightmares, sleeping problems, night terror, fear of the dark.
– fatigue , headaches etc.
If u identify any of these symptoms in your child, you are the one who will be able to help the child to come out of it. Following are few tips to help parents to overcome anxiety in children.
1. Maintain regular routines:- An organized , well maintained ,regular routine will give the child a sense of belonging and control. Anxious children do not cope well with a disorganized family life style. It is important for children to have limits set and consequences for breaking the limits. Children feel secure when there are limits and restrictions for inappropriate behaviors. Stick to regular bedtimes and mealtimes.
2. Bridge the communication gap :- Children may not have the ability to vocalize their feelings, encourage them to share their feelings and fears. Ask them to make a list of things that make them feel anxious.
3. Healthy nutrients :- Make sure the child is taking his proper meal, as skipping meal is common in anxiety. Nutritious food like veggies, fruits and dry fruits are great sources of energy, and they may contribute a lot in reducing stress.
4. Exercise and outings :- Physical activites will not only divert child’s attention but it will also help in relieving stress. Take your child for dinners , choose among their favourite dinning places, take them to a toy shop and buy them a gift. Take them for a walk, a breath of fresh air will surely help. Establish work out and exercising routines. Make sure they play in the sun and involve in sports.
5. Keep them away from bad news:- Do not let your child sit in front of the tv when you are watching news or political talk shows. Dont discuss your family or financial issues in front of ur child. Avoid their exposure from disturbing events like death of their grandparents or loved ones. Keep on reassuring them that they are far from danger.
6. Relaxation and Soothing :- Comforting and soothing a child will help in reducing stress . Make them feel that they are cared and loved and you are always there for them. Verbal reassurance of safety and love, head and body massages, cuddling and holding, are few soothing strategies parents can adopt.
7. Be an example:- Children adopt behavior from their surrounding to respond in an unpleasant or unfamiliar situation. Be a role model for ur child. Parents should act confidently and bravely in difficult situations. Keep things calm at home also, dont fight with your spouse in front of your child.
8. Teach them problem solving techniques:- Help your child in explaining their problems and fears, jot down their effects and consequences, and discuss possible solutions to them. Read them story books which have stories on how children cope in anxiety. If for instance your child has social phobia, take them to a party with you, hold their hand so that they have a secure feeling, and introduce them to people by mentioning their achievemnets to them. It will boost their self confidence. Reward them for facing their fears, involve them in mind jolting activites as well, their horizon will be broaden.
Sometimes it is easier for parents to work out children’s anxiety issues, but at times it is a difficult task to handle. Anxiety becomes a major problem if it starts affecting the child’s functioning and daily routines. Some children are more anxious than others and may need additional reassurance or help from the professional. If a child has anxiety from a long time and is unable to cope with it then you should visit a child therapist.
]]>Parents find an easy way out and punish their children or get harsh to them; many of the children end up beaten by their parents. But this is not getting anywhere; in the long run it may have adverse effect on parent child relationship. All parents have different techniques to handle their children due to the difference in culture, socio- economic background, social status and religion.
Here are few tips for the parents, to combat manipulation by their children.
1. If your child is continuously bothering you by asking the same thing again and again, then here you have to handle it tactically. Like for instance your child wants to go to a friend’s party, and you are resistant to permit your child due to the upcoming exams, develop a bottom line. Like if you study two chapters of science and explain them on a piece of paper then only you can go, and no further discussion are needed. It will for sure help.
2. Many children lie to their parents, they conceal the truth if it is beneficial for them. Stay vigilant about knowing where is your child going and with whom, so there is minimum lying. And if you catch them lying, let them know that it is unacceptable and as a lesson they will go to bed early on weekends as well.
3. Many children involve in rebellious acts to provoke their parents. First explain them gently that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated. But if they continue to do so, restrict them their favorite pastimes. Make ground rules from the beginning, and make sure they are followed, no matter what.
4. Children are hesitant in sharing their little experiences with their parents, as their is lack of family bonding between them. Get involved with your child as much as possible. Share your own weird college and school experiences which will make them laugh and will develop a trust between both of you. It will help in fostering friendly relationship and a healthy environment at the house.
5. Black mailing is a very common and popular way children adopt to get what they want. Like your child will often say that ‘ i am sad and i will not talk to u until I get this ‘. Let them be sad for a while, don’t lose your focus as a parent and ignore the emotions for a while. As once you give them what they want, this behavior will be repeated regularly. If the parent can keep their poise children will not dare to black mail them.
Child manipulations are very challenging and it is a tough task to combat them. Parents need a lot of patience to handle and up bring their child. Just be the kind of person you want your child to be, and it will hopefully make things easier.
]]>Statistics:
1) According to American Heart Association in 2013, about one in three American kids and teens is overweight or obese, nearly triple the rate in 1963.
2) The Arab Health Blog on the other end in its article “Childhood Obesity: Much more than a UAE Government Agenda” states that “Kelly Scott, in her survey on Teachers’, Parents’ and Students’ Perceptions of Childhood Obesity in the Middle East focuses on the issue of childhood obesity. Based on her findings suggesting 30% obesity rates among UAE children between 6 and 16 years.”
Now thats becoming a universal affair. Those above mentioned statistics are worrisome and eye openers. Dont condemn anyone just look within. We have impaired our habits tremendously. Why not be conscious about our kids health and amend our habits first, to have indirect impact on them? The question arises how? I found the solution by liking 4 tips given by the First Lady Michelle Obama in an article “Michelle Obama gives weight loss advice” written by CNN’s Ashley Killough which are stated below. [Link to the article: http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2013/03/04/michelle-obama-gives-weight-loss-advice/]
4 tips to handle the children weight:
1 Firstly, do not go for looks and appearances.
2. Secondly, “We should really talk to kids about how they feel, how they feel inside so that we are not just dealing with the physical manifestations of the challenge but we are really tapping into what is going on inside that head of that child,” she said. “And then we want to talk about ways to make it fun.” Stated by Michelle in that article.
3. Thirdly do not discuss the weight issue at home.
It is my perception that the more we recall about things the more conscous we get and sometimes things go further out of hands. If this issue is avoided in front of kids they wouldn’t feel bad about it. If kids are getting obese its we who are providing them will all the wrong options. Why not manage ourselves.
4 Lastly, Michelle was facing similar challenges when the kids were little so this is what they did. “We just started to make changes. And we made changes in a way that didn’t make them feel badly about themselves,” she said. “It didn’t even make them feel any ownership over it because truly kids that age can’t control what they eat.”
These steps are very much easy to understand and implement. Adding healthy foods in our meals, doing exercise and physical activity and refraining from TV and on the couch games should be focused first to initiate. Then most of all, always let your children know that you love them. Tell your kids how much you care about them and want to help. Let them acknowledge that you want to see them healthy and happy in their life.
Recommended Reading Books:
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I came accross this very interesting article where Addison Heath being a ten year old boy from Australia not only makes different models using Lego products but also runs a home based business of it.. My actual inspiration were his parents who took keen interest in his creations and helped him monetize the effort. Read excerpt from the article below to know how it was achieved.
Shuan Campbell who wrote this interesting article “Ten-year-old Lower Templestowe Boy’s Lego-inspired Online Business Taking off” said
“
KIDPRENEUR Addison Heath is building a Lego-inspired business empire from his own bedroom.
The Lower Templestowe 10-year-old’s venture Brick Fiction – which sells greeting cards, T-shirts, posters and prints adorned with his creations – is making waves in the online retail world.
Addison’s mother Carol, who photographs his work to place on the products, said her son’s website was becoming increasingly popular, with a customer forking out about $500 in the one purchase only last week.
Mrs Heath said his works had garnered plenty of interest at BrickVention, Australia’s largest Lego event, in January.
“
Now how are we different from Addison’s parents? Simply by receding ourselves when our child is busy with something of their interest. We often forget that doing homeworks and lessons are important but letting out your child’s inner potential by the use of their imaginations is equally mandatory.
If you are concerned about your child’s inner potential then Implement these steps:
1 First limit their time on TV and On Screen Entertainment (Ipads, Playstations etc) and see what they opt for.
Your restriction might make them bored initially, but dont give up as this is when they would use their brain and look around for unstructured things in the house, of their interest. Hence help them with the options available to create ideas to form those structures that may excite them. When my 4 year old is not using On Screen Entertainment he is drawing vehicles on the white board.
2 Provide them with resources to broaden their imagination.
If they show keen interest in any activity allow them to enhance their skills by taking proper classes, show them videos to work on their skill and allow them to participate whereever possible. My husband takes my son to car showrooms to enhance his knowledge. Our son observes the new editions with keen interest. It may be boring for us but remember your child is not an adult, for him everything is a positive experience. He may not be able to give exact details of his excitement, but there are images being formed in his brain that may help him with his skills accordingly.
3 Appreciate their efforts by focusing on input not the outcome.
Dont expect them to be a perfectionist. We went through the same. Let them enjoy their achievement and just listen to what they have to say. Sometimes kids just want us to listen so be it without interfering.
4 Let creativity time be a daily practice as time spent on creativy is time well bestowed.
If your child has really opted for something thats not harmful in any way then mutually decide when would be the right time to work on it. Give them space and respect their values while they are exploring their capabilities.
In the end i would suggest you to read and explain this quote by Mary Lou Cook to your kids that “Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun”. So team up together in this never ending process and enjoy.
(Reference for the above image and the excerpt of the article: ” Shaun Campbell. “Ten-year-old Lower Templestowe Boy’s Lego-inspired Online Business Taking off.” Www.heraldsun.com.au. Herald Sun Leader Community Newspapers, 15 Feb. 2013. Web”)
To visit Addison Heath’s website
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Dryness
Itchiness
Eczema
Scratches and Bleeding
Sleepless nights
Cranky
Lack of interest in school
Lack of apetite
Lethargic
Thanks to my Maliha bhabhi, may Allah bless her always, who shared this stupendous totka. She adviced me to apply the olive oil diluted in few drops of water on my son’s skin, or apply just the olive oil on wet body after bath. i decided to be canny by applying just the olive oil and excluded the water. The result was apparent within a span of 2 to 3 days as the issues started fading away and his skin got softer. Its true that reviews related to olive oil have always been laudatory whether cooking, external application or internal cures and proven well in my case when tried.
The olive oil massage that healed my son’s affliction was mystic, but my faith was further revived when i read this:
Abu Na’im reported that Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) stated, “Eat the olive oil and apply it (locally), since there is cure for seventy diseases in it, [and] one of them is leprosy.”
Now whenever i ask my son for an olive oil application, he meekly responds “yes mama..”.
]]>We spend most of the time picking on the inappropriate acts of our kids. Spanking now and then, assuming this would teach. But in reality that’s not the case. It may stop the act for that while but not eliminate completely. Their act would always be wrong if we are applying the wrong formulas just like in math or physics. Parenting requires some accurate formulas to be adapted. The perfection is then achieved with determination.
At the moment keep aside what to expect from kids, just focus on what you can deliver to them.
Formula 1 – Tell your kids very often how much you love them. The first formula is to try expressing yourself by saying I love you, a hug, kiss, pat on their shoulder, smile, sitting and talking, listening and letting them know how proudthey make you feel. Try to compliment more on their good acts rather than criticizethe bad ones. Kids want attention, if we catch them more often when they are doing something good, they would try doing more good to be caught more often. These small acts do not require much from us, but your love will help boost your child’s self esteem.
Formula 2 – Actions speak louder than words. Sometimes we expect our kids to wind up their toys as soon as they finish playing. We are right no doubt, but actually kids imitate our acts more than words. Imitation is an automatic smooth process that requires no rewards, punishments or explanations. Imitation helps if we are on the right track, but If our newspaper is left lying on the sofa unfolded or our teacup on the table since we last watched TV or the towel on the bed since morning, they would subconsciously get accustomed to an unwinded environment. How do they learn, talk, sing and walk? Simply by imitating. We need to change, erase and replace ourself with the correct formula. Be a model for them and see how things follow.
Formula 3 – Think before you commit.
This is what we normally see
Mother : “Finish your homework first and then we go to the store”
Child : “okay mom”
Child is through with homework 30 minutes later.
Child : “Mom now can we go since I have finished my homework”
Mom : “let me finish preparing the dinner will take you later”
Child : “you always say that and then its too late to go”
In order to build trust between you and your child, be trustworthy. Now before giving your child a task whether it’s homework or cleaning the bed, don’t utter whatever comes in to your mind, but first think think think what reward would please your child so much that he would willingly do the task. The promised reward should be manageable and given instantly. Remember kids only undertand in immediate rewards. Rewards need not be an expensive toy, it can be reading their favorite book, giving stars on their hands, allowing them ten minutes extra in bath tub, depending on your child’s age and that’s it. You are not losing much, just a little use of brain before uttering the task and see the difference yourself. Just don’t forget to be “instant” and enjoy the change.
Formula 4 – Respect
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” Richard David Bach (born 1936) said these words being a writer.
Respect your child and yourself to foster a mutually beneficial relationship. Treat your kids the way you want to be treated. If their suggestions, opinions, criticisms, comments would be respected then it’s simply vice versa. The formula for respect is mastered if we try to be honest, positive, fair, polite and reliable to our kids. Dont agree to all their views but give your honest advice as they are kids after all.
These are just a few formulas that we have heard and read in the past a number of times, but repeated reading helps us to remember more and adapt well. None of them require any extraordinary effort. Just give your best and get the best.
I am not a psychologist, neither have any degrees in self improvement studies. I am simply a housewife who looks for solutions by reading self improvement books and like sharing and discussing with everyone.
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